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Sunday, September 18, 2011

Sex Bread Better than Viagra for Prolonged Erections


Whole Wheat, Rye and Maca Root Bread
(and another variation on the Tartine Semolina, in the foreground)

SEX BREAD!

If you've ever read my breadblog before, no doubt you are now looking to see if I've finally decided to monetize it.  Nope.  Still doing this for just for fun.  But the headline, "Sex Bread" is sort of a spoof on the kind of thing you might see in blogs that try to draw in people (usually on stupid, inane pretexts).  But the fact is, this bread might just improve your sex life.

The other day I picked up some cream-coloured Peruvian Maca Root flour at a Bulk Food Store.   This organic root is supposedly dried and pulverized by an ancient and traditional process.  You add it to things you cook or bake, and it is supposed to provide nutrition and stamina -- for when you go hiking in the Peruvian Andes.  You might need it if you're taking the trek to Machu Picchu.

The Mists of Machu Picchu
But there are other mountains that we need to climb, personal mountains.  For example, I have it on good source (the people who sell it as supplements!) that maca root enhances sexual performance and relieves symptoms of menopause.

But the jump-on-the-bandwagon websites will warn you that the alkaloids in the root act like human hormones, so too much might disrupt thyroid function or even interfere with libido.  Other sites warn about possible side-effects of tachycardia, hyperthyroidism, headaches, heartburn, mood swings, or hot flashes.

So how much should you take?  One website suggests 450mg supplements 3x/day with food (1.35g).  I have about 150g in 2 loaves of bread, so lets say 75g per loaf. If there are 20 slices of bread in these small loaves, and if the maca is more or less evenly distributed, there should be less than 4g per slice.  If I eat 4 slices a day, and if the claims that it is a natural viagra are correct, well then I should be walking erect.

But the Wiki on Maca downplays the dangers of higher doses.  The root is eaten by Peruvians as it has been for years, the same way we eat turnip (i.e. usually we cook it before we eat it, and it is ubiquitous in our diet but not as much of a staple as, say, potatoes are).  And I suspect the Peruvians are similarly sexy as the rest of us, with or without the root.


Maca Root Powder Bread
The stuff smells very interesting and unique, and you get a sense, when you are dumping it in the bowl with the other flours, that it is very healthy.  There is something in it that has novelty: imagine the novelty experienced when someone from western Europe first inhaled the aroma of coffee beans, or cocoa.  It is not exactly that strong: it is gentler like carob.  But there is something interesting about it.  I don't smell butterscotch, like some people have imagined.
The maca root flour is creamy-coloured, compared to the rye and the whole wheat flours
and the scent is uniquely interesting
The dough was tightly elastic, and perhaps a bit too dry to properly fold

The breads came out singing, and the scent was fascinating



To be more accurate about what I used: I only had 158g of Maca Root Flour; I used 700g of whole wheat, and the rest was rye flour (142g).  The rest of the ingredients (water, salt) are the same as any 75% hydrated Tartine Loaf.

A Variation on Tartine Semolina Bread
As for the Semolina bread, I've tried this once before and it didn't work, because I was using Semolina wheat hearts and not true flour.  I still had some of those semolina wheat hearts, however, so I used it again.  300g of AP flour, 700g of semolina cream of wheat, and then I added 200g of whole wheat until it felt better.  I didn't follow the rest of the instructions for the Semolina loaf (roasted seeds in the dough), but I did sprinkle a few fennel seeds on top while it was proofing.

The semolina, sitting in an island in the middle of some sourdough-inoculated water

One of the Semolina breads, singing, fresh from the oven, giving off a scent of fennel seed
All the proofed dough baskets were retarded overnight in the fridge for approximately eight hours, and were baked within 30 minutes of taking them from the cold.

Results

The Maca Loaf's Crumb
Both loaves taste great.  The maca root loaf has a most unique scent that is hard to place, but strangely familiar.  I asked my wife if she could identify the scent.  "Wood," she said.  "But a good wood: like mahogany."  I don't know if I'd agree with that (and please, no jokes about my wood), but the smell is redolent of a recent happy memory, and there is a sort of elegance to the recollection.  Describing a scent is extraordinarily difficult.
 


My brother-in-law was visiting, and I asked him to smell the bread and tell me what he thought the scent was.  His face took on a puzzled look.  The smell was familiar, he said, like what one would put in a rye bread.  "I don't know what it is," he said, "but I know I don't like it."  I think that he was somehow identifying it with caraway, but of course there is no caraway in it.


The Semolina Bread's Crumb



The Semolina bread's crust is crackly crisp, and I cut into this loaf while it was still smoking hot.  My wife likes it, but feels the need to toast this bread twice: she feels the crumb is too moist.  I like it, and it reminds me of a crunchy Italian loaf, or a crusty baguette.  My wife likes the fact that I didn't overdo the fennel seeds.  She would not have liked them in the dough, but they are acceptable on the crust. 

I am eating both breads with goat cheese and ripe tomatoes from my garden.  Wonderful!


Notes to Myself
  • The maca root and whole wheat dough was difficult to fold, so the hydration could have been substantially increased.  It was such a tight little ball of dough! 
  • The crust and crumb of both loaves turned out excellent: the maca root loaf is a lot more supple than the pictures would indicate.  Both loaves toast nicely.
  • Mostly I can eat bread and then fall asleep from post-prandial narcolepsy, or carb loading.  But imagine a loaf of bread where this doesn't happen.  Instead, you eat the bread and feel horny, and your energy level goes up, and your stamina increases.  Kind of the reverse of 'the munchies,' the snacking hunger that one supposedly gets after smoking marijuana.  Imagine a maca root loaf where you eat the bread and get hyped up on exorphins in whole wheat and the natural viagra of maca, and then just want to jump into bed with the nearest warm body. 

    It's like an aphrodisiac bread.

    Well, we can dream, can't we?

3 comments:

  1. Never heard of maca root, amusing how many different varieties of flours are out there. The loaf got so much oven-spring...looks wonderful. Is it a high gluten flour? (Btw, did you mean 3 x 450 mg? )
    Love the crumb in the semolina bread. And the tomato looks great too.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Right, 3x450mg (I'll correct that now).
    Sorry I didn't see this comment earlier.
    Blogger may have caught it in the automatic "spam filter" because of my use of the word "erection."

    Thanks

    ReplyDelete